Bittersweet Memories
by OTPOverload
Summary: After Kaoru dies, all of the host members are left to think back to the memories, some good, and some bad.
1. Chapter 1

**Hikaru's POV**

"Kaoru... No! Kaoru!" I yelled, waking up. Sweating, I looked around and sighed. Another day for me to go through without him. I stood up and sulked to the bathroom, taking off my pajamas as I was walking. I can't believe he's gone. It's been more than a week, and I still half expect him to come over to me and say, 'No, Hikaru. I was joking. I'm still here.' but that wouldn't happen.

I had to go to school, and face the Host Club again. They look at me with such pity, it is unbearable. Don't they know that they're looks hurt me more than help me? I don't want them to feel bad for me, I want my twin brother back.

On my way to school, I saw a couple girls that were guests at the host club. They were looking at me, wondering where my twin brother was. They hadn't known that he was gone. They'd find out today, of course. A single tear fell down my face, but I toughened up and kept walking, ignoring their painful questions. I didn't want them to see me crying. I didn't want anyone to see me cry. Not even anyone in the host club.

I was at the high school, and was interrupted by Haruhi, the last person that I wanted to talk to.

"Hikaru, I'm sorry. Are you ok-"

"Leave me alone, Haruhi." I interrupted, pushing past her. Without realizing how hard I'd pushed her, I noticed her fall to the ground. She stood slowly, and dusted herself off. She looked hurt, not physically, but emotionally.

"So, that's it then?" She asked. I just nodded and walked away, not even bothering to apologize because, at the time, I wasn't sorry.

I went to class and everyone looked at me, noticing that there was no other twin. The chatter started, rumors flew around, and all of it came back to me. Some guy in front of me turned back and asked seriously, "Did you and Hikaru get in a fight, and you pushed him out the window, Kaoru?" I glared at him, and didn't bother correcting him, or answering for that matter. It was none of their business. I stood up and stalked out of the room. I heard Haruhi call after me.

"Hikaru!" She was out in the hallway with me, and she was talking but I wasn't paying attention to what she said, except for one part.

"-Need to know that it's not your fault!" She yelled at me, crying herself.

"But it is.." I said, thinking back to when I'd asked Haruhi out.

**Flashback**

Kaoru and I were walking towards Haruhi, a mischievous grin on our face, on mine because of what I was about to do, Kaoru's because that's how he always is. He didn't know that I was asking her out.

"Hey, Haruhi, miss us?" Kaoru said smugly and put his arm on her shoulder.

"No, no I didn't." She said to him. Just for a bit, I thought, 'Maybe she doesn't like me..' but decided to try anyways.

"Hey, Haruhi," I started, leaning towards her ear to whisper, "Will you go out with me?"

I saw her blush, and Kaoru's confused look. She nodded, and I smiled and kissed her quickly.

**End of Flashback**

At the time, I hadn't noticed Kaoru's hurt face. If I had, I wouldn't have continued to be cute with her. I wouldn't have asked him to come on every date. He wouldn't say no, I figured, because he wanted to be with me 24/7. I wouldn't have pushed my own twin brother away.

"Leave me the hell alone, Haruhi! I hate you!" I yelled, running away. I knew she wouldn't follow me. I hurt her too badly for her to register that I was running away. I wasn't going to the Host Club meeting today.

I went to the place Kaoru and I used to skip class at all the time. It was under the stairs, there was a janitors closet that wasn't used anymore, so we hung out in there until the end of class. I sat down and looked around at all the things Kaoru and I put to make it better.

**Flashback**

"Hey, Hikaru, how about I put this up here?" Kaoru had asked, holding up a picture of us holding hands. It was taken in the club by Kyoya, but it was our favorite picture of us. I nodded with a smile and he put it up. He looked at it for a bit longer, and ran his hand over the picture.

"Uh, what are you doing, bro?" I asked, walking over to him.

"Oh.. Uh, nothing. Sorry. What else should we put up?"

**End of flashback**

I walked over to the picture and ran my finger over his face, letting the tears fall. I fell to the ground, my back to the wall, and curled up with my arms around my knees. I was sobbing and I didn't care anymore. No one would see me here. I was completely cut out from the world. I was safe, finally.

"Kaoru, I miss you so much.. Why did you have to leave me?" I asked, wiping my tears and looking up at the ceiling.

I didn't expect an answer, but, sure enough, I heard a voice.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru." The voice said. Kaoru? No, it was Haruhi again.

"How much did you see?" I asked quietly.

"Almost all of it.." She said sitting down beside me, "I know you don't hate me, Hikaru. You're just hurting, and I get that. If you don't want to be with me anymore, I completely get that." She hugged me and for some reason, I didn't push her away. It was comforting. I also didn't answer. I fell asleep in her embrace.

**Haruhi's POV**

I looked at Hikaru sleeping peacefully, his face stained with tears. He looked so pitiful, I started crying. I tried to hide the noise, so I didn't wake him up from his sleep. I was sure that he hadn't gotten any sleep recently. I knew too well how it was to lose someone close to you, even though it wasn't my twin. That must have been a lot worse.

"Poor Hikaru..."

"Kaoru, please come back.. I love you." He muttered. I looked at him again, and noticed that he was talking in his sleep. He really missed Kaoru.. I took out my phone and flipped it open. My background was all three of us, Hikaru, Kaoru, and myself. It was when Hikaru and I were dating, and he had his arms around me. I had noticed that there was something wrong with Kaoru every time Hikaru brought him to our dates. I didn't know that it was that serious.

**Flashback**

"Hey, Haruhi," Both Hikaru and Kaoru said at the same time. I looked up from the menu that was in my hands and smiled at them.

"Hey, guys." I replied, and Hikaru grabbed my hand and held it. I noticed that Kaoru was looking at our hands and smiling, but I didn't get why. Something just seemed wrong with him. He seemed upset for some reason.

"Oh, crap, I forgot. Tamaki wanted me to do something for him." Kaoru said before walking away.

"What are you gonna do, Kaoru?" Hikaru said, trying to stop his brother from leaving.

"It's nothing, Hikaru. I'm just gonna go. Bye." Kaoru said coldly. Could it be that he is jealous of Hikaru? Does Kaoru like me too?

"What's his problem?" Hikaru asked, glaring in the direction Kaoru had disappeared into.

"I- Um, do you think it is possible that he likes me? I mean, it all makes sense, he always seems upset whenever he comes to dates with us, and always makes an excuse to leave. HE looks like he's honestly about to cry when he sees us together." I said, and Hikaru let that sink in.

"That's probably it then. He needs to understand that you are mine, not his. You are the one thing that we won't share." Hikaru said, kind of selfishly. I didn't mind though, it was kind of adorable to be honest.

**End of flashback**

I didn't think that I was wrong at all at the time. I thought that I was completely right, but I was way off.

**Tamaki's POV**

"Guys! Where is my little Haruhi and Hikaru?" I said, gasping, "You don't think that they are off doing... The dirty, do you?!" I yelled, falling to the floor with my arms around my legs.

"Just after Kaoru.. Left, I don't think that Hikaru would be up to much of that, even if it is Haruhi." Kaoru said, coming behind me. Hey, that's true. I stood up quickly and instantly smiled, on the outside. On the inside, my mind was wandering.

Now that I think about it, I never really talked to Kaoru much. I didn't really talk to anyone except Haruhi much honestly. That really needs to change. I feel really bad for Hikaru, so maybe I should throw a party or something for him.

Of course! It will be a school-wide party just for Hikaru!

"Hosts, we are going to throw a party!" I announced, proudly.

"Will there be cake?" Honey asked, excitedly.

"Of course there will be cake, lots of it!"

"YAY! Cake! Cake! Cake!" Honey yelled happily, bouncing around with Usa-Chan. Mori came up behind him and stopped his jumping.

"Remember, Mitsukuni, you can't eat too much cake, or you'll get a belly ache." He said, causing Honey to whine. I needed to draw the attention back to me.

"But," I started, getting everyone to look at me, "You absolutely can NOT tell Hikaru!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Hikaru's POV**

I woke up to the sound of Haruhi's voice, and noticed that she was talking to someone on the phone. I could hear slight hiccup sounds. She had been crying. I stood up and began walking to her. She had her back turned to me, so she didn't notice me coming towards her. I hugged her, and she jumped, but calmed down when she realized that it was just me. She said into the phone, 'Gotta go,' and shut it without waiting for whoever she was talking to to answer.

"Hikaru, you're awake." She said. I just nodded and looked at her eyes. They had been stained with tears. I noticed that another tear was falling and I wiped it off with my thumb.

"Please don't cry because of me, Haruhi." I said weakly.

"How do you know that I'm even crying because of you?" She said, attempting to deny it.

"Because, I know you too well." I said simply, letting go of her. "So, how long was I sleeping?"

"Not long really. Just about 10 minutes, at least. You really should get some sleep. I know you too well, and I know that you haven't gotten hardly any sleep, Hikaru. That's not healthy." She said, concern clearly on her face.

"Okay, I'll get some sleep tonight. I'm going home." I said, walking toward the door. Before I could open it, I heard her voice call out from behind me, "It's not your fault you know."

I stopped moving. She doesn't know. She doesn't know that it is all my fault. I just shook my head and walked out, leaving her there.

On my journey home, I noticed the woods that Kaoru and I used to go in all the time when we were younger, and play. It jumped out at me more now, than it had before. That's probably because it's not just the woods anymore. It's a place full of memories of Kaoru.

I turned and walked into the woods, running my hand along the tree trunks. Everything was so familiar, and overwhelmingly warm. I got to the tree that Kaoru and I used to sit under. I was always on one side, he was always on the other. I sat down on my side, and looked up at the sky. I could hear Kaoru's laugh, and the tears began to fall. I began thinking of the one day we came back, when we were older.

**Flashback**

"Kaoru! Do you remember this place?" I asked him, smiling widely. He smiled as well, and nodded.

"Let's go sit by the tree." I said, running towards it. He ran too, but he was slower than I was, so I got there first. I sat down and so did he and we just sat in silence.

After a while, Kaoru spoke up.

"Hey, Hikaru?" He said, quietly.

"Yeah, Kaoru?" I asked, smiling at him.

"Do you love Haruhi?" He'd asked. After what Haruhi had said the night before, about how she thinks he liked her, I got on guard.

"Of course I do. She's my everything. If someone were to take her away, I don't know what I would do." I said, hoping that got the point across for him to back off.

"I see." He said, even quieter than before. So he did like her.

"Why does it even matter to you, Kaoru?" I asked, turning back to him.

"It's nothing, Hikaru. Let's just enjoy the woods, like good old times." After thinking about it, he was right. I nodded and sank back into the tree. Little did I know, behind me, my twin brother was crying.

**End of flashback**

How can Haruhi say that it wasn't my fault, when it so was. I was the one that wasn't paying attention to him. I should have noticed how sad he was. I should have noticed. I'm his twin brother.

I couldn't stay here anymore. The sadness was eating away at me, but where could I go where I wouldn't think about Kaoru? We were always together. I wasn't safe anywhere. The memories would always be there. I stood up and started running. I wasn't sure where to, I was just running.

I didn't care if my legs got tired, of if I felt like throwing up. My legs were taking over.

When I came to a stop, I looked around and realized where I was.

I was at the last place that I had seen Kaoru. I was at the lake, where he and I had our real first fight, and our last.


	3. Chapter 3

A.N- I'm really sorry I haven't updated this in a long time, it was a mix of writer's block and school. I will try to update this as often as possible, now that I have time, but it will probably be ever weekend. Now, here we go, on chapter three. Enjoy.

...

**Tamaki's POV**

"Okay, guys! Do we have everything ready for the party?" I asked loudly, sure that Hikaru wasn't here. Honey nodded, and Kyoya just shook his head.

"Are you sure that this will be the best idea, Tamaki?" he asked.

"What do you mean? It's a great idea. What better way to get over something like that, than a party just for you?" I said, smiling widely.

"If this is what you want to do. You're the boss." Kyoya stepped down, and looked down at his clipboard.

"We still need to buy the cake, balloons, and clear out the ballroom."

"Okay, Honey, you get the cake, but don't eat it. Mori, you clear out the ballroom, Kyoya, you get the balloons." I said as I sat down on my chair, putting my legs up on the foot rest. Everyone went their separate ways. I would have made Hikaru and Kaoru get the balloons, but that was an impossibility now.

I missed him, that's true. I can imagine how Hikaru felt. It's hard losing someone that you care about. Kaoru meant a lot to all of us in the host club.

I wonder how Hikaru's holding up.

**Hikaru's POV**

Walking around this place, I realized how stupid our little fight was, but at the same time, how life changing. It took my brother away from me. My own selfishness took my brother away from me. It was completely my fault, and no one would tell me otherwise.

**Flashback**

"Kaoru, wait up!" I yelled, running after him. He'd wanted to show me a place that he'd found, but he was going way too fast.

"We're almost there, Hikaru. Go faster!" He yelled back. I tried to catch up to him, but he'd always been the faster twin. Finally, he came to a stop, and I came up beside him. I bent over, breathing heavily, and heard him talk.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" He said, looking forward. Wondering what he was calling beautiful, I stood up straight and looked out at the scenery in front of me. It was beautiful, as he'd said. The water was making small waves because of the wind, the trees were slowly swaying, the sun was going down. It was just perfection.

"How'd you find a place like this, Kaoru?" I asked while sitting down and admiring the view from a different point.

"I was just going for a walk after one of your dates, and ended up here." He said, sitting down next to me.

"Why did you go on a walk after my date?" I asked, confused.

"Because I don't want to think about it."

"Don't want to think about what?"

"You being with Haruhi. It's not how it's supposed to be." He was clearly telling me how he liked Haruhi. I stood and glared at him.

"What do you mean, 'that's not how it's supposed to be,' Kaoru? Are you trying to tell me something?"

"I'm just saying that it's not supposed to be like that. You should break up with her. You two aren't right for each other."

"Oh, right! Like I would do that! Then you'd have her all to yourself! That's what you want, isn't it? You just want to get me out of the way so that you can take Haruhi, but that's not gonna happen, because I'm not going to break up with her!" I yelled, getting more angry by the second.

"Hikaru, I'm your twin. Do you honestly think that I would want to steal her from you?"

"From the way you look when you're on dates with us, it seems like you do! I didn't understand why you looked so sad at the dates, but now I know why. It's because you want her!" He stood up and looked me in the eyes.

"Hikaru, listen to me. If you and her keep dating, something very bad will happen." He looked close to tears. I was glad he was crying!

"Well then, let them happen. I thought you were on my side here, Koaru," I began, and I pushed him away, "You aren't on my side at all. You're actually against me. I hate you, Kaoru!" I yelled, running away. I couldn't believe him, telling me to break up with Haruhi, just so that he could be with her.

I ran all the way to Haruhi's house, wanting to tell her that she was right about Kaoru liking her.

I knocked on her door and her dad answered. He'd known that we were dating and he glared at me.

"Haruhi is in her room, I'll get her. I'm leaving, so you two are not to go up there, you hear?" He said. I nodded, and he yelled her name.

"Coming, dad!" She yelled down, and not long after, Haruhi came into view.

"Your boyfriend is here, behave, my little Haruhi. I can't believe you have a boyfriend already! You're growing up so fast!" He said, hugging her to him. He was just like the boss. At that, I chuckled to myself.

"Dad! Get off, you have to go!" She said, pushing him off of her. He nodded and waved at her, and glared at me as he walked out the door.

"Sorry about that." She said laughing.

"I have to talk to you."

"About what?"

"You were right. Kaoru does like you. He even told me that I should break up with you, or something bad would happen."

"Are you going to break up with me?" She asked sadly.

"No, of course not. I love you, Haruhi. I don't care what HE says about us. I will be with you no matter what."

"Where is he now?"

"I'm not sure. I left him at the lake that he brought me to so we could talk. Can I stay here tonight? I'll sleep on the floor."

"Dad won't be home all night, so, that's fine."

**End Of Flashback**

****Looking out at the water, it wasn't so beautiful anymore. I hated this place so much.

All of a sudden, my phone started buzzing, and I looked down at it. Tamaki was calling me.

"Hello?" I answered. What could he possibly want?

"Hikaru, I need you to come to the school." He said, hanging up before I could ask why. I sighed and made my way back to the school.

On my way there, I saw Haruhi walking.

"Haruhi, did you get a call from the boss too?"

"Yeah, all he said was that he needed me to be at the school. Any idea why?"

"Not a clue. Want to walk together?"

"Sure." She smiled slightly, and walked over so that she was beside me.

We walked in silence the rest of the way, and when we got there, all of the host members jumped out behind a table full of food and drinks and yelled.

"SURPRISE!"


End file.
